


You're my best friend, you make me live

by KingYixing



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Alternate Universe - Idols, Best Friends, Bnior, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, I'm actually proud of this it's different to my usual stuff, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, THATS PRETTY IMPORTANT HERE, The rest of GOT7 are mentioned, They're best friends, Today tomorrow is my jam, and it's great, jjp, or like, that's the ship name right?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-12-20 17:39:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11925903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KingYixing/pseuds/KingYixing
Summary: "I just want to stay in bed and hold you like I used to"Or"I'm your best friend, right?"OrThe others know there was a time before them, when it was just Jaebum and Jinyoung against the world.





	You're my best friend, you make me live

**Author's Note:**

> Yo yo yo  
> I said I fell deep into the dark and inescapable abyss of GOT7 and boy I was not kidding  
> I've been busy thinking bout boys *super mario ding*  
> I swerve so hard with my ships but I finally fell in love with jjp   
> Happy reading!!!

“I’ll ask a question now. If you had to do a unit project excluding me, who would you do it with?”

“I’m not going to do it!”

“If you had to do it”

“I won’t do it if you’re not in the unit”

“Ah what should I say in this situation?!”

“I won’t do anything without you! How can I do another unit, leaving JJ Project behind?!?!”

\----

It’s not exactly hard to see how much they need each other; how much they love each other. All seven of them share a bond that’s hard to break.

But there’s more to the bond, different layers and intricate details that outsiders find hard to understand.

Sometimes they cling to each other, not because they want to but because they _need_ to.

And when Jinyoung says he doesn’t want to do anything without Jaebum, he’s not just talking about music.

 

\---

 

Every so often, something will happen and it will serve as a reminder of Jinyoung and Jaebum’s friendship. The years they spent trying and growing, always together, Jinyoung and Jaebum, Junior and JB. It will sometimes come as a shock, when the other members had forgotten the years, the life the duo had lived before. A simple moment that causes memories to flood both their brains, and the others can only watch in amusement as they become JJ Project again, become best friends.

Sometimes the group visit somewhere Jaebum and Jinyoung have already been before, and all it takes is for them to exchange a look and whisper,

"Remember when we..."

And then they burst into laughter, clinging to each other as they utter breathless words that only they understand.

"The ice cream..." Jaebum begins, grinning so hard the edges of his eyes crinkle, as his left hand finds Jinyoung's right hand.

"And th-the little-" Jinyoung dissolves into another heap of giggles before he can finish his sentence, head burying into the safety of the other’s shoulder.

"The lit-little kid?" Jaebum finishes for him, and Jinyoung nods quickly, tears already forming in his eyes as he tries to hold back his laughter.

"Are you guys okay?"

The rest of the group watch in amusement, exchanging confused glances as two of their more mature members lose all their composure in matter of seconds.

Jinyoung nods his head at the same time Jaebum shakes his, the both of them still wiping away stray tears.

"We uh, came here...be-before" Jinyoung breathlessly explains, and Jaebum watches him, hand still holding his, squeezing his.

"Before us?"

There's no hurt in the words, because the others know there was a time before them, when it was just Jaebum and Jinyoung against the world.

They both nod, giggling softly, and spend the rest of the day together, heads close as they walk and talk, hand in hand.

Jinyoung admits he was the happiest he had been in a while, but then immediately felt guilty, especially when he caught himself wishing the pair had another day to themselves.

Just one more day spent being young again, where he could be childish and the only person Jaebum has to take care of. Most importantly, where he could have Jaebum all for himself.

Jinyoung wasn’t naïve, he knew they had grown even closer because of GOT7, their bond deepening, almost without them realising. But he wanted to be selfish for once, wanted to stop feeling foolish, needed to know he wasn’t being unreasonable when he wanted Jaebum to be his for even just a day.

Doesn’t he miss the days when they were _best_ friends too?

Probably not the same way Jinyoung does.

 ---

Jinyoung’s not sure when he started thinking of Jaebum differently, as more than a friend. Maybe he has always done so, secretly in the back of his mind, loving Jaebum when no one else was looking. Maybe it developed over the years, when he began to appreciate the smaller things, like the hand caressing the nape of his neck, the gentle smiles and comforting gazes. If Jinyoung were to list everything he would only fall deeper.

He doesn’t dare hope for more though, so he takes great comfort in holding the title of best friend. He remembers how much they mean to each other; how much they’ve been through. He could never imagine a life without Jaebum, and he doesn’t want to.

Sometimes though, he tests Jaebum. When he’s feeling hurt, when he wants to know how much power he has over him, when he wants Jaebum to come running. He acts up, becomes distant, becomes clingy, switches his moods faster than he changes clothes. He’s constantly amazed at how attentive Jaebum is, tuned in to his emotions like Jinyoung is to his. He feels guilty too, like he’s manipulating his friend.

And when Jaebum comes to talk to him, to find out what’s wrong, Jinyoung can’t tell if he’s come to speak to him as JB, the leader of GOT7, or Jaebum, his best friend. He takes comfort in knowing whichever one it is Jaebum stills care for him, but he still hopes it’s the latter. He really hopes it is.

Jinyoung likes it best when Jaebum surprises him.

When he comes into his room under the pretence of looking for socks, only to throw himself on the bed beside Jinyoung, and look at him with caring eyes,

“There’s something bothering you, I can tell”

Jinyoung notes with pleasure that Jaebum had beaten his personal record, taking less than a day to come and talk with him. He feels shame too, that he’s worrying him like this, but the concerned expression he’s wearing seems to overpower that (if the flutter of butterflies in his stomach are anything to go by).

“It’s nothing”

Lately there’s always something bothering Jinyoung. It’s always related to Jaebum, but it’s never enough to spend too much time dwelling on. Everything seems related to Jaebum sometimes, the good and the bad.

“If there’s something bothering you then it’s not nothing”

Jinyoung knows he’s right, because Jaebum is bothering him. In a good way of course. He’s bothering his moods, his feelings, his thoughts, his dreams. And it’s not nothing, because it Jaebum, and he is everything.

He's laughter and crinkly eye smiles, hair falling across his face, mouth wide open

He's the smell of fresh soap and the steady sound of breathing when he sleeps

He's trophies on shelves, posters on walls and crumpled clothes on the floor

He's trying too hard and driving too fast, he's thinking too little and caring too much

He's childish arguments, crumbs on the table and juice dribbling down his chin.

He's a shaking body, silent tears falling on a cold, cold night

He's glowing streetlights and winter jackets

He's feeling warm and he's beads of sweat sliding down skin

He's oxygen in his lungs because breathing is the only thing he can control sometimes

He's wanting more and he's being content

He's _everything_

 ---

 

Occasionally the memories that Jinyoung stores safely in his brain come creeping back out.

Like as he passes by Mark and Jackson passed out together on the sofa whilst he’s on the way to get a glass of water. He sips his drink and casts them one last glance before returning to his bedroom, to his thoughts.

When they shared a dorm, Jaebum would sleep in the living room during the summer. He complained that the air was too hot and sticky in his bedroom, with its broken air conditioning and window opening onto noisy traffic.

To avoid the humidity Jaebum would sleep on the sofa in front of the TV. To avoid boredom Jinyoung would join him. And they would drift off to the hum of late-night chat shows, limbs tangled together.

When they had to share a hotel room, a hotel bed, it was the same, except maybe a different show, different voice they fell asleep to.

Eventually, sleeping became just another thing on the long list of things they did together.

It was something they accepted, no discussion needed because neither protested to it. So Jinyoung thinks it’s reasonable for him to miss it.

He imagines what Jaebum would say, if he missed it too.

Maybe he would smile sadly, almost wistfully, eyes filled with nostalgia as he looked at, _gazed_ at Jinyoung, admitting, “I just wanna stay in bed, and hold you like I used to”

Jinyoung isn’t very good at not hoping for more.

 ---

Just like Jaebum is to him, Jinyoung is always aware of the other’s moods. He knows the second Jaebum leaves the dinner table with a weak excuse that something is wrong with the older boy.

But Jinyoung isn’t as subtle as Jaebum, so he immediately slips out of the kitchen and follows him into Jaebum’s bedroom.

“Leave me alone” Jaebum’s annoyed voice is muffled as he lays on his bed, face buried into his pillow.

Jinyoung ignores him, shutting the door behind him. He takes in his surrounding as he moves towards the bed, even though he was in there only a few hours ago, dragging a reluctant Jaebum out of bed. The room is dimly lit, the only source of brightness being the hallway lights spilling under the door.

He sits on the bed, barely even flinching as Jaebum utters out, “Seriously, fuck off!”

Jinyoung sighs heavily and Jaebum rolls back onto his side, eyeing him half-curiously, half-wearily as Jinyoung says softly, “You’re not cool when you’re mean”

Neither speak and Jinyoung reaches forward, running his hand over Jaebum’s hair, a small smile ghosting on his face because even when he’s worried Jaebum never fails to make him feel lighter.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” Jinyoung’s hand pauses, resting on the side of Jaebum’s face for a moment before he retracts it.

If Jaebum senses how reluctant Jinyoung was to withdraw his hand, he doesn’t say it. He does look torn though, between spilling his thoughts and closing himself off.

“Please?”

Jaebum’s gaze drops and he nods his head, not missing the pleasantly surprised expression that crosses Jinyoung’s face. He thinks -not for the first time- that Jinyoung doesn’t know just how much of a soft spot Jaebum has for him.

“I don’t know I just,” Jaebum searches Jinyoung’s face for the right words, thinking that he’s sat too far away and finding himself patting the space beside him before he even realises what he’s doing.

Jinyoung raises a brow, hesitating for a moment. A moment too long for Jaebum, who grabs him and pulls him towards his own body. They both lay on their backs, staring up in the dark at the ceiling and _understanding_ each other.

They both remember nights spent talking like this, bodies side by side, dreams side by side, pinkie promises sworn under their breath to never leave the other behind.

It was what Jinyoung wanted.

“I didn’t want to lose my temper,” Jaebum finally speaks, tone quiet as he adds an even gentler, “But I’m not angry anymore”

They both fall asleep to the sound of each other’s breathing.

 ---

 

Unsurprisingly, Jinyoung isn’t very good at admitting things. He doesn’t admit when he loses an argument, doesn’t admit when he’s in the wrong, and he doesn’t admit when he misses Jaebum.

And when Jaebum leaves for eleven whole days, 264 hours to be exact, Jinyoung pretends not to know what’s causing the hollow ache in his chest.

To make matters worse, Jaebum was unable to communicate with any of them, only breaking his radio silence with one phone call after 4 days. He couldn’t even stay to chat, the member simply passing Jinyoung’s phone around to individually greet him.

Jinyoung didn’t even get to speak him properly, receiving a “Hello!” and then a softer, “I wish you were here, Jinyoung”

And then he was gone and Jinyoung was left talking to a black screen.

“I wish I was there too”

 ---

Jinyoung thinks calling it a crush is too silly, as if he’s a schoolgirl infatuated with a famous actor. It’s too childish, too pitiful, too _desperate_. It’s more like a fondness of the older boy, a quiet admiration, a secret appreciation that Jinyoung wants to keep for himself.

He reassures himself he’s not a lovesick schoolgirl. He’s not desperately pining over something he can’t have, he doesn’t even want Jaebum! He just wants his companionship, his warmth, his attention and _his_ admiration.

No Jinyoung isn’t very good at admitting things at all.

He likes to fool himself though, whatever helps him sleep at night really. He assures himself that best friends hug each other when one has been gone for nine days. Jinyoung kids himself that it’s normal for him to wait until they’re alone, and then bury himself in Jaebum’s arms, feeling safer already.

He tells himself it’s okay that he feels homesick for a person.

In the back of his mind he knows the truth though, but he still deceives himself, no matter how foolish it seems.

After all, only fools fall for their best friends.

 

\--- 

“Don’t you dare let our best memories bring you sorrow”

He lets the shower drown out his hushed words, the water flowing across his face. He doesn’t think he’s crying but he doesn’t want to find out, just in case.

It wasn’t too important but it made him sad anyway.

He follows the water stream as it travels down his body, and for a fleeting moment he allows himself to wonder how someone else’s hands would feel on his body. How _his_ would feel.

He switches his train of thought before he considers it too much and can’t look the other in the eye.

\--- 

 

When his hotel room is empty and his mind is full, nobody to distract him, Jaebum feels the loneliness creep in, little by little.

On these lonely days he thinks of Jinyoung.

Jaebum wonders about, because sometimes when his best friend looks at him, he disappears and Jaebum is a little bit lost without him.

The Jinyoung in his memories never disappears though, he remains grinning and laughing, looking at Jaebum with bright, awe-filled eyes, as if he had put the stars in the sky.

When he does catch Jinyoung looking at him like that, he wishes he could freeze time, or capture it in a photograph and frame it on the wall.

“Remember me?” He wants to say to him, “I’m the boy you used to love when you were seventeen”

He wonders if Jinyoung just rarely looks at him like that, or if he keeps his fondness quiet nowadays. Jaebum hopes it’s the latter, he really hopes it is.

Jaebum thinks about when he tried to forget his feelings for Jinyoung, tried to convince himself it was hopeless, a dead end.

He finds it funny now, how he tried to forget Jinyoung and remember him, all at the same time.

 

\--- 

Jaebum knows he doesn’t protect Jinyoung like he used to. He doesn’t treat him the same, doesn’t spoil him like he used to.

He feels guilty, that he let Jinyoung be thrust suddenly into the role of a grown up, with youngers to look after and duties to handle. He feels guilty that he couldn’t continue to indulge him, let him act like the kid he always was.

Lately Jaebum realises this more often, and he lets it eat at him until he decides to spend more time with Jinyoung. Gradually, so he doesn’t suspect anything, carefully, so he doesn’t mess his own feelings up.

He doesn’t want to neglect Jinyoung anymore.

So, he invites him out, treats him to breakfast, lunch and dinner, dotes on him, fusses over his health, encourages his efforts, all so easily and naturally that it takes weeks before someone says something,

And then everyone notices, “You two have been awfully happy lately”

Jaebum feigns innocence of course, and Jinyoung would never tell anyway.

 

\--- 

Jaebum lives in his memories sometimes, on the nights he can’t fall asleep, or won’t fall asleep.

It’s not hard to get lost in them, to get lost in times spent with Jinyoung. If he really wanted to remind himself, their video diaries are a few clicks away.

“We don’t really have a permanent home, but you’re always by my side,” He remembers Jinyoung’s late night word’s the most, “So, will you be my home?”

Jaebum just wants to call Jinyoung’s name until he comes back home.

He disguises it though, effortlessly crafts excuses to spend time with Jinyoung, ruses created to win back what he has lost.

He targets late nights as well, when there’s nothing to do but wait for sleep.

“Come keep me company,” Jaebum bribes with promises of favourite snacks, names of foods he memorised years ago, “We’ll watch your favourite movie”

And as expected they fall asleep on the bed together, legs tangled and heartbeats in sync, just how they both remembered, pictured, imagined, wanted.

And just like before, it becomes a regular occurrence, each night without a fail they fall asleep to the gentle music during movie credits. Jaebum’s bedsheets have a new person’s scent, and he doesn’t mind at all.

 

\--- 

“I’m your best friend, right?” Jinyoung’s voice asked, his words hanging in the darkness of Jaebum’s bedroom.

“Right” Jaebum thought the younger was asleep, carefully enveloped in his arms.

Jinyoung sounded young when he finally spoke, “I’m always gonna be your best friend, but right now I love you _more_ than that”

“I’m your best friend, right?” Jaebum wondered if Jinyoung could hear him smiling as he spoke.

“Right”

“Then don’t you think I already know that?”” Jaebum’s hold tightened, his heart beat as steady as ever, his arms as safe as always, “And don’t you know that I love you more than that too?”

Jinyoung’s heart beat 100 times before he whispered, “You’ve always been my home. It’s always been you”

“Home is such a lonely place without you”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> did u like it  
> did u  
> I hope u did  
> I jammed to Kanye listening to this   
> That shower scene? Who was it? Will we ever know?   
> I used a lot of lyrics and quotes in this, you might have recognised some :D


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